Fri 9 Jan 2009
Ouch, That Hurt
Posted by jen under Friendship, Mentoring, Parenting, Personal
[3] Comments
I don’t get offended easily. I am diligent in living life as a survivor and not as a victim. I make sure that the remarks and actions of others don’t cause me to pause my life in confusion and doubt.
Well, I let someone’s remark hurt me and it still kind of hurts. Hopefully writing this out will help.
The other night I was standing with some people while they held a conversation. My ears perked up as an invitation was extended to one of them to come to the Sunday night service at church. (The Sunday night service is mostly geared toward people of college age but high-schoolers attend and I’ve been contemplating going, even though I’m out of the age range, to have an opportunity to spend some time with my group of freshman girls.) The person on the receiving end of the invitation stated that they go to one of the Sunday morning services and (here’s the dagger) said, “With all the parents.” Now if this conversation would have taken place in writing, I would not have had a second thought. However, I “heard” the eye roll. I “heard” the scoff in the tone of this person’s voice. I wanted to blurt out, “Hey, I’m one of those.” and hopefully cause this person to step back and begin to analyze how they speak about others. But I didn’t. I walked away and decided to spend the rest of the night where I “belonged”, at home, with my children (who were all long gone in dreamland).
This person’s comment really is two-fold for me. Although it doesn’t make me apologetic at all to be a parent, it does make me wonder if I really am in a class that single and childless people feel they can’t relate to, which makes me wonder if the high-schoolers I mentor feel the same way. Maybe this is the reason I don’t see any other youth leaders with young kids. This comment also makes me think about demographic segregation and how sad it is that segregation is still happening and that I am viewed as *that* person because I have kids and I am married.
This person’s comment made me feel devalued in their eyes and that is sad to me and it has left me with a sting.
3 Responses to “ Ouch, That Hurt ”
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January 13th, 2009 at 1:26 pm[...] the heels of feeling like I might have felt offended the other day, I realize I wasn’t. Not in comparison to [...]
January 9th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Wow. Jen, my heart aches for you with this. Knowing how much you value life & people makes this situation so lame.
Until you wrote this, I had only considered “segregation” to be something in the galaxy of race and color. To think we’ve come so far as a society to create enough distance from the way things once were in this country, yet only to realize the act of separating one another has only shifted to other criteria.
Without your sense of value and wisdom ready to share with anyone, this problem will only get worse. When you wrote:
…this makes me think how lame all the other young parents are who don’t want to get involved, who for some reason don’t think they belong, or don’t want to expend the energy–creating yet another level of segregation from the other side either intentionally or by virtue of inaction.
Those kids you are involved with don’t know it yet, but they will be so thankful for your presence in their lives once they get older. You’re doing awesome in this marathon
January 12th, 2009 at 10:39 am
so strange, b/c i was having somewhat of a revelation about this last night. Scott lives here now, and has a group of friends already on the seattle side of the water. they are all young 20’s…22, 23, and all single (unmarried, that is). adam made the comment that we’d like to meet and hang out with them sometime, and i suddenly “saw” my life through their eyes. “old”, married, parents of school age kids, living in poulsbo (aka the “sticks” compared to their city life), etc. i felt so un-hip and well, old! uncool. un-hangout-able. adam and i see our life as great. we love to stay home and watch netflix or DVR once the kids go to bed. Scott thinks we are boring, as i’m sure anyone in that age group (or younger) would.
i know this is somewhat different than what you were talking about, but it reminded me of my thoughts from last night.
anyway, just do what God calls you to do. they will be blessed. you will be blessed. Change or even take away the boundry those kids have set up in their minds. i think all kids need a “cool” adult to talk to.