This is what I know: I sang at my church this past weekend and the set list was amazing and VERY moving, particularly with one song, “Healer”. When I started practicing this set list last week, I knew it was going to be an extraordinary weekend to help in leading worship. My problem, though, was that I had to stop practicing, several times, because I was coughing so bad. I’ve been sick for the last few weeks and to the point of partially losing my voice, several times. My throat was extremely scratchy and my voice felt like it would fall silent at any moment. I have been singing in public since 1990 and leading worship since 1997 and have never felt as determined and scared to be singing on a church stage. I’ve gone to many churches with strange people and strange religious practices. I’ve seen those close to me, dying of a disease and be prayed over for healing, only to still die. Because of this, I’ve lost my confidence in praying for God to take action in the form of healing. I’ve grown in doubt that maybe our prayers don’t really make a difference. I love God. I trust in Him. I’ve just lost confidence in asking Him to do what “inconsequential” me is asking for. However, I just felt something huge was going to happen this weekend at church and, ironically, the most moving song for me was, “Healer.” I wanted to sing this song from our church stage SO incredibly bad but have never had such a horrible issue with my voice in all my life. It was a strange place to be in and it freaked me out. I started praying for God to heal my throat/voice. In complete and total surrender and belief I prayed that, like the song, God would heal me so I could sing for Him and to Him.

This is also what I know: When I was on stage yesterday and Saturday, I never had to cough, I never had a scratch in my throat and I didn’t feel a hint of sickness. If I messed up at any of the five services, it was due to my lack in confidence. I was so fearful that my voice would give up on me, I’d end up pulling back or not singing certain parts. When I did sing with confidence, my voice felt stronger than ever. When I was backstage and on my way home Saturday night and Sunday afternoon, the coughing fits came back, my throat was raw and scratchy and my voice felt unstable again. Today, I feel sicker than I did last week. I’ve been coughing up stuff since I woke up, my nose won’t stop running, my lungs feel heavy with gunk and my voice is back to being unstable.

I write all this to share that I feel God showed me a miracle this weekend. He does heal. God does answer prayer.

I’m going to leave the lyrics to the song that helped me see that God truly does hear us and answer us but before I do, I want to comment on the song itself. “Healer” was written by Michael Guglielmucci and recorded onto a Hillsong DVD last year. Last week, when I saw the set list, I looked up the song on Google because I’d never heard of it before. I found the Hillsong video of it on Youtube and was blown away by the power of the song and the guy singing it. Michael was leading this song with an oxygen tube in his nostrils and he wrote it based on the terminal cancer he said he had. As tears were streaming down my face while watching the video, I noticed another video in the “related videos” on the right. A title caught my eye, “Healer (Cancer Faked) Mike Guglielmucci”. My eyes opened as wide as possible and my jaw dropped as I breathed out a shocked, “No…”. Sure enough, Michael shared in an interview that he had deceived everyone in his life, including his parents and wife, with his two year claim of having terminal cancer. He didn’t have cancer. He fabricated this story to cover up the fact that he was and is addicted to porn and felt that the cancer story would take the focus off of his true problem.

When I first read this story, I was pissed. I was duped again by some religious freak who caused me to believe his lie with his moving story and oxygen-tubed sickness. I wondered if it would be a good idea to sing this song at Flatirons and immediately had the answer. Yes. Yes, it is a good idea to sing this song. Although Michael stated that the song was written because of his cancer, it still “works” even knowing that his true sickness is with sexual lust, not with any physical sickness. This song was still written by a guy that was/is suffering. It’s an amazing song written by someone who was, and is, longing for God to heal him. The song is still true, whether it’s for cancer or lust, and it’s still true for me and many others who deal with other things they want healing from. No matter if the sickness is lust, cancer, depression, alcoholism, or any other negative malady, this song is still valid. I know “Healer” changed lives this weekend. It changed mine.

“Healer”

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You’re my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You’re my Portion
I believe You’re more than enough for me
Jesus You’re all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands