Sun 28 Feb 2010
Beyond The Boundary
Posted by jen under Being a wife, Family, Friendship, Hope, Love, Mentoring, Ministry, Parenting, Personal
[6] Comments
My last blog entry had me looking forward to helping out with the Downtown Rescue Mission again. Well, fear got in the way of that and I never went back. I don’t know if I’ll ever go back.
I was preparing to help my friend that night and, on a whim, I decided to reread the story of my childhood/teenage years, my testimony. I wrote it out, years ago, but some sort of curiosity took over and I read it, just hours before I was supposed to leave. That was a major mistake and it sent me into a downward spiral. Reading about being in numerous, frightening positions and being taken advantage of many times, made me feel stupid for preparing to put myself in a situation where, once again, I’d be in a room where the men to women ratio and the drug-free to on-drugs ratio was desperately uneven. Reading about those bad times and feeling like they had all happened yesterday, caused me to completely freeze up. I tried to fight off the fear but it only intensified. I tried to rationalize and it only retaliated, stronger and more convincing.
I was terrified and it enflamed me. I was crushed. I felt defeated. I felt like I was taking two steps backward from the healing and recovery that I felt I had just gone through.
Two weeks prior, I felt on top of the world with conquering a fear and feeling like I would never look back or take a step back and here I was, trembling with the possibility that I was about to make the stupidest decision to go help people. This fear got my mind racing at the endless possibility of having anxiety take over, preventing me from doing just about everything. Where would it stop? What would trigger this fear? How many situations will I put myself in, in the future, and then realize that I feel vulnerable and trapped and want out? It was in this moment of sheer terror that I was grateful (and pissed off that I was grateful) that I never went to Afghanistan. I can’t imagine having this fear and anxiety overtake me as I’m halfway across the world from everything that makes me feel safe.
This situation also got me learning much more about myself. I’m learning that I have boundaries. I can’t stand knowing that I have them but this has to be some sort of positive step in realizing this about myself. It’s caused me to figure out what frightened me about going back to the Rescue Mission and what situations, in the future, might cause this fear to rise.
I feel as though there’s a fine line with knowing too much about people and not knowing enough. I know that people can be cruel and that sometimes a certain type of person is more prone to cruelty than others. Obviously I can’t see their heart, so I discriminate toward the people that remind me of those that have harmed me. The lack of knowledge about people can easily be replaced by fear while having knowledge about people can instill fear as well. How do I combat this? It seems like a neverending cycle… At various points in my life this fear will cause me to freeze and hide, tremble and cower. What I’m learning is that the antonym of my fear is faith and hope. I can have all the love in the world but, in fear, that love is worthless. Without faith and hope, I would continually sit in my house and ponder the end of everything good.
While learning the boundaries of my emotional well-being, I’m also discovering what it takes to push past those boundaries. I’m learning what I’m prepared to conquer and what may still take time to overcome. There may be things in my life that I will never be able to do because fear is gripping so tight. There may be things I never would have dreamed to prevail over and I may effortlessly triumph. For now, I’m grateful to be learning more about what I can and can’t handle and I’m grateful to learn more about what faith in God actually means.
I’ve been treading water, keeping my head above drowning, for my entire life. Specifically, desperately, in the last year. I’m just now realizing that I’ve done nothing to bring me closer to shore, to where I want to be. I’ve completely worn myself out, staying in the same place. In faith, in action, I must press on. Beyond the boundary.
March 1st, 2010 at 11:28 am
Well written, Jen. You have great wisdom and insight and an amazing ability to articulate your thoughts and feelings so concretely. I love this entry. I love you and am here treading water with you — or for you should, you need me for that. Write more
March 6th, 2010 at 11:35 am
Jen,
First off, thanks for this post.
Although I cannot imagine what this feels like for you, everything you are talking about in your reaction to your feelings sound right on. You are so right in that we all have boundaries and know that there are some that we may never cross nor come even come close to. But there are others that we can certainly push and eventually cross over which provides a glimpse of hope that yes, we may actually make it.
I’m so sorry that you’ve felt the feeling of drowning. I’ve felt it too in the last year, in different ways and it is an awful feeling. Good news: You will make it, God is in you, and you have friends who love you.. including me
Please count on me to listen if you ever need a listening ear.
You are an inspiration. Keep living sweet lady.
March 11th, 2010 at 10:26 am
You, my dear Lindsay, are a great friend. Thank you for caring about me. I’m definitely living… this life may be rough but it sure is worth it.
March 11th, 2010 at 10:27 am
I love treading water, being in the ocean, with you, my Love.
April 25th, 2010 at 7:07 am
Is your husband the blogger at the.oppositeofbreaking.com?
Just wondering he has comments disabled and I want to comment on it LOL
If he is your husband, tell him his atomic story is awesome, and he needs to enable comments.
April 25th, 2010 at 9:29 am
Thanks, Jonny! He’s enabling comments today.