It’s a lovely thing to be comforted in a time of confusion and heartache.

Lately, I’ve been contemplating my #1 passion, my singing. For the first time since beginning singing in 1991, I’m considering stopping for good. Which terrifies me. Not so much as it would strip an identity in me since I’ve made sure to correct that path I was previously on. I’m terrified because it brings me so much peace and clarity with God. I’ve never really been able to verbalize or write out how singing truly affect me, until I read this interview today.

Most importantly, this part:

(replace paint with singing/sing or maybe any other passion that you may have)

… I have a relationship with paint and from within that relationship I feel a sense of comfort and safety sharing my emotions on canvas. I am an emotional artist and I paint what I am feeling. Pain, sorrow, joy, happiness, anger, defeat, hope – for some reason when those feelings are woven within ‘art’ – there is a freedom in being so vulnerable. Vulnerability connects us. It affects us. It’s a little bit terrifying and a little bit magical.

And this:

Perfection is something I try to work on by simply being utterly imperfect at everything I do. I’m kidding. A little. Perfection is just a matter of perspective. When I set out to paint – I feel like that moment is a junction of an idea, skill and timing.

I do my best and maybe it isn’t EXACTLY what I was after – but, it’s a clear and true representation of that moment and how the idea, the skill, and the timing come together. On a different day – perhaps the execution would be different.

I don’t pay too much attention to ‘perfection’ because life is always evolving and it is always a cocktail of idea, skill and timing. Sometimes those three elements come together to form magic – it’s just right. And sometimes they don’t – and it’s perfect.

I try to manage my insecurities with something I call my Bulletproof Positive Attitude. It basically means to me that I am here for my own journey. I do not compare myself to others. I do not kill myself with expectations. I don’t talk myself out of chances. I do not listen too closely to the criticisms OR THE accolades – because BOTH are dangerous. I silence the doubts and fears that get in the way of the task at hand – making art.

Reading these quotes took my breath away. Literally. After two decades and for the first time ever, I saw my heart about singing, written out. It sparked something in me that I thought flickered out, long ago.

Currently, singing doesn’t happen as easily as it once did and I refuse to do anything if it’s not done with excellence. Not perfection but anything I do needs to be done with effort and done the best that I’m capable. I’ve neglected my voice for long enough and now it’s really beginning to show that lack of care. So, I’m giving my passion one last ditch effort. I’ll start voice lessons for the first time in my life, next week. I hope that these vocal lessons provide the turnaround that is so desperately needed.

This is such a big thing.